Going Home

I wish I had friends all around the world that I could call and chat with at 4:30am.

Why? Because that's what time I regularly wake up and then can't go back to sleep. Right now I can't sleep because I'm worried about the undone mess which is my house. Ciara is coming to visit in about a week and I wanted to finish painting the guest room so she will have a place to sleep. I was going to paint on Wednesday. Heck, it would just be nice if the pool cover, that takes up 1/3 of the soon to be guest room, was gone and the bed could be set up instead of leaning against the wall in the master bedroom.

Obviously no painting happened on Wednsday, and none will be happening for awhile. And Alan's answer to the pool cover is to stick it in the closet in the baby's room. The closet that is full of other lost crap that needs to find a new and permanent home.

To top it off, in the process of cleaning up what must have been quite a bloody mess in the upstairs bathroom, the potty inadvertently overflowed. Alan noticed this oversight much later when water was raining down from the window in the downstairs bathroom.

I've been told there are two large holes in the drywall of the downstairs bath and several large fans and dehumidifiers scattered around the bathroom and office. (The messy office which was on my list of straightening up and organizing. That's not going to get done either.) Alan said the insurance company sent a service out to dry up the mess and they will be back in a few days to assess the damage.

I miss my puppy, but I don't think I want to go home. The thought of being stuck in bed in the middle of that chaos is too much. It's just too much. I wonder if they can medicate me?

My marriage works because where I feel a compulsion to have things in the right place and cleaned the right way, Alan just goes with the flow. He usually just let's me do things my way and he'll even help with the heavy stuff. I don't think he has any clue how his attitude keeps me mostly sane and happy.

People keep telling me to let it go and to enjoy bed rest. Well great for you if you can do that. I'm actually jealous of you. For me, I will be able to fake it when you're around. I will seem happy as a clam watching reruns of Monk and playing on the computer. But know that when no one is watching I will be crying on the couch wishing I was sewing the rest of my crib ruffle, painting the guest room, and doing all of the day to day cleaning stuff that makes me feel like I live in a safe world.

I feel like I'm about to fly into a million little, tiny pieces.