My Review - 9 Years Later Than the Rest

I'm a read-the-last-page-first kind of girl. Usually only with suspense thrillers because, really, who wants to spend a whole book falling in love with a character only to find out that love was misplaced because he killed all of those children and/or family pets? I mean seriously, If I'd followed my tried and true method of book reading with Harry Potter we could have avoided that whole Dobby fiasco. You there Tanya? Remember the hellishness of that dark time? Only a plate of sugar got me through that.

So when I started watching The X-Files on Hulu I only got through season 2 - episode 5 before I got all itchy to find out how that whole "The Answer is Out There" thing wrapped up. Huh. That's my reaction to that. Huh.

Does anyone else wonder if that Doggett character and the brown haired lady-agent felt a little slighted by the show finale? Do you think they knew all along that they would never really belong to the cast? That even long gone, Maulder and Sculley would not just overshadow but literally take over the storyline like they never left? That the writers wouldn't even bother to let us know if the replacement characters made it out of the desert? I hope they read the last page of their script so they weren't devastated to find out how inconsequential they really were.

A little Cheeky

My cousin is the sexiest person I know. If she's reading this now she is laughing her butt off, but it's because she totally doesn't know she is that makes her more so.

On Black Friday, instead of heading to the toy department of Wal-Mart (as if THAT would ever happen!), Corie and I headed to Victoria's Secret. She picked out lots of pretties for me and schooled me on the importance of matching sets. And not matching beige sets either. I love her.

Now if you get only one piece of info out of this whole post please let it be this:

It looks too sexy on the model to be comfortable, right? WRONG-O BUCK-A-ROO! No pantie lines, comfortable, and best of all they are flattering on my hips! No cutting in and accentuating lumps and bumps! And at the end of the day the sides aren't all bunched up. They were laying flat and pretty.

Corie is my hero. Thank you so much for introducing me to Cheeky, my new best friend.

Cable Scarf

US9 needle. Sugar bunny in white by Knitpicks

Cast on 51.

Knit one row.

1st Row (WS): K4, P2, K2, P4, K2, P2, K2, P15, K2, P2, K2, P4, K2, P2, K4.

2nd Row (RS): K2, P2, Tw2R, P2, K4, P2, Tw2R, P2, K15, P2, Tw2L, P2, K4, P2, Tw2L, P2, K2.

3rd Row: Same as 1st row.

4th Row: K2, P2, Tw2R, P2, C4B, P2, Tw2R, P2, K5, C10F, P2, Tw2L, P2, C4F, P2, Tw2L, P2, K2.

5th Row: Same as 1st row.

6th Row: Same as 2nd row.

7th Row: Same as 1st row.

8th Row: K2, P2, Tw2R, P2, C4B, P2, Tw2R, P2, K15, P2, Tw2L, P2, C4F, P2, Tw2L, P2, K2.

9th Row: Same as 1st row.

10th Row: Same as 2nd row.

11th Row: Same as 1st row.

12th Row: K2, P2, Tw2R, P2, C4B, P2, Tw2R, P2,, C10B, K5, P2, Tw2L, P2, C4F, P2, Tw2L, P2, K2.

Repeat row 1 - 12 until desired length.

Bind Off. Seriously though, I'm not sure how to ed this thing as I've not gotten there yet. Any suggestions?

Lots-o-Photos

I've been a turkey about writing lately...

And I blame it all on this. (and words with friends)

So please let me give you a big cyber hug and let you know we're all doing okay down here.

We celebrated the birthday of an amazing little boy...

Oops, the grown ups had that, the kids had this.

Doesn't Grams look pretty? She's the one on the right. Lilly is on the left.

We've been playing trains...

And building box forts...

And gardening...

And going to the park with friends....

And lots of arts and crafts.

Alan and C have been watching, football, basketball, baseball - whatever the sport is lately. GO KANSAS!!!!


Cortland found a new favorite candy is the Fun Dip I bought for Aunt Ciara. He asks for Green.

Sorry Aunt Ciara, I think it's all gone.


Looking at books is always a good excuse to prolong the time before a nap.

Grandma Texas ad Gigi always have the best toys but a bucket and water is the best.

Just a little touch of what Pumpkin is up to. Get it UP to?

It look splendid as a dress or a skirt.


Quick peek at Anthony, my niece's sweet little boy.

And last weekend we went to the aquarium with Lucas, Jaqueline and David.

Yup, two good shots of me in a row. I'm playing the lottery tomorrow.

Sleepy boys at dinner after the aquarium.

Roses from our garden last weekend.

Halloween. The pressing question is; Is he a dinosaur or a dinosaur rider? Please comment and let me know. I have a psychological poll going on right now. It's very scientific and will let you know what I find.

Happy vs. Despair

Some positive things happening this week with Cortland:

Cortland repeating the word baseball almost perfectly. Now read that sentence again. He's not spontaneously speaking, he's repeating what his daddy motor-planned for him. His brain is getting better - much better - at doing his own motor-planning, but it's going to be his brain going over and over and over the word baseball before he can make his mouth do the shapes it takes for the word to come out spontaneously.

C's OT said that he's been doing a five step obstacle course like a pro and that Monday he was having so much fun he didn't want to leave. Yay, I'm so glad he's having fun while learning how to find his balance and figure out where his body is in space. Maybe soon he won't have to fling himself to the ground to stop running. He'll know to just tell his legs to stop and they will actually mind him. And talking about running and flinging to a stop - the flings are more dramatic lately because he's running so much better.

He threw a COLOSSAL fit when he didn't want to leave the park, but he calmed himself down when I set him outside of the wagon (after 5 minutes of shrill, staccato screaming... him, not me) and we talked a minute and put on shoes. Now this was a big deal for both of us. He has always just gone with the flow.

Me: Time to go. (Plop him in the wagon and off we go lickity-split)
Cortland: Meh, okay, whatever.

I now know that I have to learn how to parent this new child who is becoming someone different than the one I've known for the last 3 years. I can totally do that - I'm not complaining - but did I have to learn this lovely leason in parenting in front of my husband who I'm still not sure has forgiven me yet? FYI Alan - I get it! I know I royally screwed up that parenting lesson. Please give me hugs and tell me it's okay because I totally need that validation. And uh, forgive me also for asking for it in a public forum. Probably not cool either...

Last night Cortland sent his battery powered train off into the kitchen while crawling behind it with his little toy driver hopping along yelling "Come back! Come back!" Cutest thing ever.

Now for why I've been so quiet this week regardless of all of this positive stuff. Cortland's pre-school has a Facebook page and they post videos of the kids throughout the day. Now every video I can see the marked differences between Cortland and the other kids. It's not a bad difference, but different none the less. A video posted last week shows all of the kids in music class. They are all marching in the infantry and flying in the calvary and shooting the artillery all in the lords army - except mine. He's spinning spinning spinning spinning. (and still spinning and spinning)

It's called stimming and it helps him turn inside himself when there's just too much going on around him. It's not dancing like I've told everyone who sees him spinning. It's just not and it breaks my heart. When I even just think of that video I cry big silent inside crying with outside tears.

It's the cry that my therapist is trying to get me to stop doing and start doing the boo-hoo cry. I'm not there yet. I'm afraid if I start the boo-hoo cry I may never stop. And if I do stop, will I really feel better or just empty and alone? Will the boo-hoo cry make me feel, in the end, like I have just given up? I'm not ready to find out so I just cry my very quiet tears.

I am positive. And I can see the improvement. But that doesn't mean my heart doesn't ache sometimes with sadness.

Almost Eaten by a Spider

I'm sad to report that today my knights shining armor tarnished just a little bit. He said, "It was tiny and at least two feet away from you." And then rolled his eyes when I tried to explain that it charged me - twice! Yes, a spider was holding me hostage in my patio chair.

Let's hope Alan can earn back trust I once had in him. I'm not going to lie to you, it's going to be hard.

Playing Dinosaurs

Alan's dino voice seriously makes the whole video is pretty cute, but my fave part is at 1:35 - right at the very end.

Functional Neurology

First off let me tell you how excited I am that I just got $400 worth of the CUTEST shirts from Ann Taylor Loft for $125. And they're a size medium. Yay Me!

And now let me tell you all about Cortland's brain as I understand it. Dr. Rosenthal said we need to work to get the receptors recepting in four parts of his brain.

Basal Ganglia - Memorization and motor actions

Parietal Lobe - Orientation of where he is physically

TREATMENT - We have special glasses with yellow lenses and flashing red lights that activate this part of the brain. I'm not sure if its this brand, but Eyelights are similar except C's lenses are yellow. Cortland is to wear then three times a day for five minutes each time and gradually increase the time worn on a weekly basis.

Temporal Lobe - Speech, vision, sound, smell and personal relationships

TREATMENT - The talking to the left eye and negative reinforcement helps this part of the brain.

RESULTS: Dr. Rosethal said this part of the treatment possibly is why Cortland gave me my first ever unprompted kiss last night. It also could explain the huge language leap this week which includes saying colors and lots of three and four work phrases that happened in the last week. Not to mention the fact that C actively sought out my mom and others to play when we were visiting last weekend.

Cerebellum - Coordination, balance, cognition, fine tunes motor activity

Our other homework this week is to continue having Cortland push is big exercise ball around since he stands correctly while doing that. He love to chase me around the house with a ball almost as tall as he is. We're also to play catch with dodgeball size balls and larger from at least 7ish feet away from each other. That makes him see more than just one focal point.

I'll keep you posted on results.

1st Day of School

Cortland just went skipping into his classroom for his first day of school. When I picked him up he gave his teacher a kiss goodbye. I think it's safe to say he had a great 1st day. As for me, I got most of the front flowerbeds weeded and cleaned house for 5 hours. Both things I've been needing to do, but weather and kid hampered.

The Weekend

Didn't you feed him this weekend?

Well, that's the $20,000 question, isn't it? My kiddo hasn't eaten properly in weeks. Tonight after we got home Cortland gobbled down a whole hotdog and a HUGE ear of corn. He was also asking for a "wokch" but that's also the word for rock so we had no idea what he wanted. (If it was a rock then too bad. I love him and would move the world for him, but watch him gnaw on a rock? Not gonna happen.)

We had a great time visiting my mom and many other family members this weekend. We drove to Dighton, KS with my mom, Aunt Jeannie and grandma to visit my grandmother's cousin. Both of them will be 89 in the next couple months. Can you believe that? My Grams will be 89. Along the way she told me stories about growing up and why the towns were 8 miles apart. It's because that's how far the horses could go, round trip, in a days time to visit the grocery store.

We got to drive by the houses she lived in when she was a little girl and the house my mom grew up in when she was little. I also learned that my mom was a big ol' liar 40 years ago and told my grams that she had slipped on a rug the weekend she hurt her back by plummeting to the ground when her parachute wouldn't open. Grams told me she still remembers thinking it was the ugly orange rug my mom had bought and that she'd never liked that rug.

The 1st night Cortland and I got to KS I explained the homework Dr. Rosenthal gave us for this week. I had to give negative reinforcement and talk to C's left eyeball. Not all the time, just a few times a day. My mom was also supposed to ignore C until he started to seek her out. Another negative reinforcement. Something about waking up the right brain.

So there I am all weekend talking to my kids left eyeball and and there he is looking at me like I'm a crazy loon.

But he ate a hotdog. And brocoli. And chicken. And talking and playing with us and toys. And willingly playing with my mom. Crazy sounding or not left eyeball talking will continue.

No pictures from the trip yet because I forgot my camera in Ness City, KS at my Aunt Joyce's house. When she sends it back you'll get to see pictures of the cutest hedgehogs ever! I totally want one. They looked just like Pinny Needlkins from Diggy Takes His Pick.

A great book my mom saved for the last 35 years that I stole from her when Cortland was born so he could have it read to him too.

Now this whole hedgehog purchase has not been Alan-approved yet. He put his foot down about getting a frog. Something about "that's no life for a frog to be stuck in a little box." Blah blah blah. Him and his harm no bugs or frogs rules. So difficult. Guess that rules out the hand/eye coordination exercise I had planned for C that entailed the use of a magnifying glass and a few pesky ants.

Life and Death

This has been a week of life and death. Kiwi's father passed away unexpectedly Sunday night and Kayla had her baby Tuesday morning.

I expected the death to bring about a rehashing of feelings from my dad's death, but what it actually brought was a strong urge to protect Kiwi from the sorrow I know she will have for such a long time to come. I wish I could put her and her brother and sisters in a cocoon to prevent them from having to learn the hard way that it doesn't get easier with time, it just gets different. It's a different kind of grief - the grief we have 14 years later. It becomes part of you, changes you.

For me grief makes me more selective who I give my love to. If you are one of my chosen, know I will go to the mat for you. I am there whenever, whatever you need. I will forgive and forget. Really, I forget stuff. I'm not someone who can forgive but continue to hold onto negative things. The few times I have forgiven and not forgotten? Well, look around, those people are no longer in my world.

As for Kayla, her and the baby are doing wonderful. Anthony was born at 11:09am, is 7lbs 3oz and 19in long. And he's beautiful. We're going to see him tomorrow and I'll post lots of pictures for everyone to ohhh and ahhh over.

Knitting Bunny

In the book Goodnight Moon there is a beautiful bunny (In the book she's called "the little old lady", but I think that's typecasting) knitting in a rocking chair while the baby bunny says goodnight to all of his special things in his room. When Cortland saw the knitting bunny he started bouncing all around in the chair pointing at the bunny and then poking me yelling, "MA MA! MA MA!"

I love that.

Talking

Heh, he's starting to say stuff!

What We've Been Up to This Summer

We taught Cortland how to swim in a tube of water.

Or not. Actually it's the Ft Worth Childrens Museum.

Grandma and C on a dinosaur dig

Giant train set

In KS we went swimming at my cousin Sherry's house.

And put together puzzles... sort of...

And played with REAL tractors!

And had a slumber party with four nine year olds and a little boy. The little boy isn't in the picture because he is behind me (the photographer) with a water hose. Bet you can't guess what happened next.

Dane and Cortland ate sunflower seed shells from the ground around the bleachers at a ballgame. *Gack*

Just plain worn out.

We've adopted a lady named Ludy and she is wearing a scarf I knitted.

We painted the kid pink.

No one was more surprised than Cortland when he started getting in his horns.

It's been a great summer!