Almost Eaten by a Spider

I'm sad to report that today my knights shining armor tarnished just a little bit. He said, "It was tiny and at least two feet away from you." And then rolled his eyes when I tried to explain that it charged me - twice! Yes, a spider was holding me hostage in my patio chair.

Let's hope Alan can earn back trust I once had in him. I'm not going to lie to you, it's going to be hard.

Playing Dinosaurs

Alan's dino voice seriously makes the whole video is pretty cute, but my fave part is at 1:35 - right at the very end.

Functional Neurology

First off let me tell you how excited I am that I just got $400 worth of the CUTEST shirts from Ann Taylor Loft for $125. And they're a size medium. Yay Me!

And now let me tell you all about Cortland's brain as I understand it. Dr. Rosenthal said we need to work to get the receptors recepting in four parts of his brain.

Basal Ganglia - Memorization and motor actions

Parietal Lobe - Orientation of where he is physically

TREATMENT - We have special glasses with yellow lenses and flashing red lights that activate this part of the brain. I'm not sure if its this brand, but Eyelights are similar except C's lenses are yellow. Cortland is to wear then three times a day for five minutes each time and gradually increase the time worn on a weekly basis.

Temporal Lobe - Speech, vision, sound, smell and personal relationships

TREATMENT - The talking to the left eye and negative reinforcement helps this part of the brain.

RESULTS: Dr. Rosethal said this part of the treatment possibly is why Cortland gave me my first ever unprompted kiss last night. It also could explain the huge language leap this week which includes saying colors and lots of three and four work phrases that happened in the last week. Not to mention the fact that C actively sought out my mom and others to play when we were visiting last weekend.

Cerebellum - Coordination, balance, cognition, fine tunes motor activity

Our other homework this week is to continue having Cortland push is big exercise ball around since he stands correctly while doing that. He love to chase me around the house with a ball almost as tall as he is. We're also to play catch with dodgeball size balls and larger from at least 7ish feet away from each other. That makes him see more than just one focal point.

I'll keep you posted on results.

1st Day of School

Cortland just went skipping into his classroom for his first day of school. When I picked him up he gave his teacher a kiss goodbye. I think it's safe to say he had a great 1st day. As for me, I got most of the front flowerbeds weeded and cleaned house for 5 hours. Both things I've been needing to do, but weather and kid hampered.

The Weekend

Didn't you feed him this weekend?

Well, that's the $20,000 question, isn't it? My kiddo hasn't eaten properly in weeks. Tonight after we got home Cortland gobbled down a whole hotdog and a HUGE ear of corn. He was also asking for a "wokch" but that's also the word for rock so we had no idea what he wanted. (If it was a rock then too bad. I love him and would move the world for him, but watch him gnaw on a rock? Not gonna happen.)

We had a great time visiting my mom and many other family members this weekend. We drove to Dighton, KS with my mom, Aunt Jeannie and grandma to visit my grandmother's cousin. Both of them will be 89 in the next couple months. Can you believe that? My Grams will be 89. Along the way she told me stories about growing up and why the towns were 8 miles apart. It's because that's how far the horses could go, round trip, in a days time to visit the grocery store.

We got to drive by the houses she lived in when she was a little girl and the house my mom grew up in when she was little. I also learned that my mom was a big ol' liar 40 years ago and told my grams that she had slipped on a rug the weekend she hurt her back by plummeting to the ground when her parachute wouldn't open. Grams told me she still remembers thinking it was the ugly orange rug my mom had bought and that she'd never liked that rug.

The 1st night Cortland and I got to KS I explained the homework Dr. Rosenthal gave us for this week. I had to give negative reinforcement and talk to C's left eyeball. Not all the time, just a few times a day. My mom was also supposed to ignore C until he started to seek her out. Another negative reinforcement. Something about waking up the right brain.

So there I am all weekend talking to my kids left eyeball and and there he is looking at me like I'm a crazy loon.

But he ate a hotdog. And brocoli. And chicken. And talking and playing with us and toys. And willingly playing with my mom. Crazy sounding or not left eyeball talking will continue.

No pictures from the trip yet because I forgot my camera in Ness City, KS at my Aunt Joyce's house. When she sends it back you'll get to see pictures of the cutest hedgehogs ever! I totally want one. They looked just like Pinny Needlkins from Diggy Takes His Pick.

A great book my mom saved for the last 35 years that I stole from her when Cortland was born so he could have it read to him too.

Now this whole hedgehog purchase has not been Alan-approved yet. He put his foot down about getting a frog. Something about "that's no life for a frog to be stuck in a little box." Blah blah blah. Him and his harm no bugs or frogs rules. So difficult. Guess that rules out the hand/eye coordination exercise I had planned for C that entailed the use of a magnifying glass and a few pesky ants.

Life and Death

This has been a week of life and death. Kiwi's father passed away unexpectedly Sunday night and Kayla had her baby Tuesday morning.

I expected the death to bring about a rehashing of feelings from my dad's death, but what it actually brought was a strong urge to protect Kiwi from the sorrow I know she will have for such a long time to come. I wish I could put her and her brother and sisters in a cocoon to prevent them from having to learn the hard way that it doesn't get easier with time, it just gets different. It's a different kind of grief - the grief we have 14 years later. It becomes part of you, changes you.

For me grief makes me more selective who I give my love to. If you are one of my chosen, know I will go to the mat for you. I am there whenever, whatever you need. I will forgive and forget. Really, I forget stuff. I'm not someone who can forgive but continue to hold onto negative things. The few times I have forgiven and not forgotten? Well, look around, those people are no longer in my world.

As for Kayla, her and the baby are doing wonderful. Anthony was born at 11:09am, is 7lbs 3oz and 19in long. And he's beautiful. We're going to see him tomorrow and I'll post lots of pictures for everyone to ohhh and ahhh over.

Knitting Bunny

In the book Goodnight Moon there is a beautiful bunny (In the book she's called "the little old lady", but I think that's typecasting) knitting in a rocking chair while the baby bunny says goodnight to all of his special things in his room. When Cortland saw the knitting bunny he started bouncing all around in the chair pointing at the bunny and then poking me yelling, "MA MA! MA MA!"

I love that.

Talking

Heh, he's starting to say stuff!

What We've Been Up to This Summer

We taught Cortland how to swim in a tube of water.

Or not. Actually it's the Ft Worth Childrens Museum.

Grandma and C on a dinosaur dig

Giant train set

In KS we went swimming at my cousin Sherry's house.

And put together puzzles... sort of...

And played with REAL tractors!

And had a slumber party with four nine year olds and a little boy. The little boy isn't in the picture because he is behind me (the photographer) with a water hose. Bet you can't guess what happened next.

Dane and Cortland ate sunflower seed shells from the ground around the bleachers at a ballgame. *Gack*

Just plain worn out.

We've adopted a lady named Ludy and she is wearing a scarf I knitted.

We painted the kid pink.

No one was more surprised than Cortland when he started getting in his horns.

It's been a great summer!

All Better

Some crazy person let me have the camera when I was in the hospital. My mom said she came from KS so fast that she forgot to pack her makeup. She looked beautiful anyway.

Isn't Alan cute?

I got the cutest flower arrangement ever from Tanya.

And here's a pic of the real thing. She still thinks the chair my mom brought for C is hers.

I'm feeling so much better. I am feeling so much better, in fact, that it's good that Tasha and two of her kids came to stay last week to keep me off my feet. Her kids are amazing and Cortland had the best time with them. And I had a wonderful time having my friend all to myself.

The boys were inside when Maddie made this wonderful castle. Of course they were. It would have been dead before she even began otherwise.

Bad Patient

Life is peachy. Here are some of the highlights (and low-lights).

My mom was here for a week helping out keeping all the laundry clean as well as the kitchen and kid. She also rubbed my back, brought an endless supply of peanut M&M's and was an all around great cuddler. (Thank you so much, mom. You have no idea what it meant to us to have you here.)

My son thought every time she walked into the room meant that his mommy was being shipped off to Cambodia for a few more days without him, so he wanted nothing to do with her. She took it better than I did.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I look around and see all of the stuff I want to be doing. Knitting. Sewing. Going through the junk drawer. Scrapbooking. Reading.

My head has hurt so bad for the last four days that all I really manage to do is take random assortments of drugs every 6 hours and try to pretend that it's normal to cock my head to the side like a camel with a sand flee stuck in its ear.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was cleared Friday to take baths and anyone who knows anything about me knows I loooooove my baths. Showers are for heathens and very muddy people.

I just got out of a shower instead of a bath because the thought of moving my shampoo and conditioner the 10 feet to the tub was just too much to bear.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I lost 15 lbs in 4 days.

It was all water weight from the surgery and it involved endless middle of the night trips to the bathroom. And I still have the real 5lbs to lose that I just.freaking.lost. You know, the 5 hardest pounds in the history of mankind to lose? That I worked really, really hard to make go away just a few short months ago? F*****S

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm getting in touch with my emotions.

Alan hasn't filed divorce papers, yet, (right Alan?) on the grounds of his wife has gone flipping nuts. Crying is the new black.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Please no chin-up little buckeroo comments. I need to hear a few, "I feel you girl." and "are you having to deal with this shit too?" comments. I need a little solidarity right now. I will cowboy up all by myself, I'm sure. After all, I am little Miss Pollyanna 90% of the time.

So how about it? Come on Kim, tell me about the cooler of water left by the side of the bed after Elise was born. Linda, let me hear a little something about your torture after your recent surgery. Anyone have any gory wound stories? Mom? Care to share about the time your guts came out of your belly button? Anything for your darling, right?

The Case of the Reappearing Fallopian Tube

Today I'm home from the hospital. Some might know that I was pregnant, but few know that Saturday Alan took me to the emergency room with abdominal pain. Yup, another ectopic.

Wish I could remember the name of the dr who did my 1st ectopic surgery and what he actually removed when he said he took out my right fallopian tube because, funnily enough, that's the exact same tube that was removed Saturday along with my right ovary. WTH? Dr. Wells also tied my left tube while he was hanging out in my insides Saturday so we won't have to mess with this again. He called it retied since it looks like that was what the dr from my 2nd ectopic basically did which he called repairing my tube.

Alan and I weren't trying or preventing getting pregnant. We knew there was a big chance that getting pregnant again might mean another ectopic. But we didn't think it through very carefully. We didn't think all the way through what an ectopic might mean. Death to the mother. Shit. We just thought as far as another baby.

I thought getting my remaining tube tied would be sad and feel like giving up a dream but it isn't. It's such a relief, knowing I'll be here for my son and husband who are my world and not dead because I waited too long to get to the hospital and bled to death.

My mom is here taking good care of me and Alan has been within touching distance at all times. I am so lucky t have such wonderful friends and family.

Talking Back

Cortland has been doing great with his therapy. While in KS for 2 weeks he mastered M, P, O and B. This week our homework was to use Bee and Bow and Bye and Boo if Bee and Bow went good. It's not going so as good as expected. I say, "Say Bee." and he says, NO, NO!" and runs away.

I've tried everything I can think of. Say Bee before opening the back door. Whatever. He then just doesn't want to go outside anymore. I drew a bee on the milk carton and tried to get him to say Bee before he could have milk. He thinks I'm crazy because Duh, that's obviously milk and not a bee.

I've tried playing find the bee in the book. I've put bees in the trains. I've tried singing silly songs. I've buzzed around the house with him looking at me like I've gone loony on him.

I know he can say it because he has said it with his grandma. But he's not applying it to an actual bee.

Forgot to mention he has a motor-speech delay. He understands everything we say, he just can't get his brain to make his mouth talk back.

Bad Account. No No Account.

No idea why my blog pops up with a "Bad Account" message. Unless it's referring to grammatical errors. Then I totally get it.

Florida

I think this was Wine Night. Cathy and David; Here's to you!!!!!





ps - remind me to kick Alan in the knee for recording me in a swimsuit.

Videos for the Grandmas

More Pictures

Laying down watching TV and looking just like his daddy.

Playing with finger paints. Not my favorite activity, but C seems to enjoy it!

A pic of the new playset.

Grace Ann taking a nap while Alan watches basketball.

Prison Work Study in the Philippines

Letter to Aunt Joyce

Letter to my Aunt in response to her email:

Dear Aunt Joyce,

(Personal personal personal... (go check your email for this stuff))

I've been concerned about Cortland for a while. The pediatrician said to just wait and see - up until our last visit in January when he found out that C still hadn't said mommy (he said mom once and I haven't heard it since and boy, have I been listening for it!) and didn't point to things he wants or needs. Like milk, juice, food... You know how a mother just "knows" when there's something not right? Yeah, that's how I felt.

So we called ECI, a county program that evaluates young children and recommends a course of action. He started speech therapy with Jen in February, and it has made a discernible difference. No consistant talking yet, but we get pointing now, and he's doing lots more back and forth playing with us. He's communicating and that's huge. He's even had a few temper tantrums. heh. Who in their right mind would be thrilled about that?! Me, that's who.

Jen brought in an occupational therapist because she noticed that he has low muscle tone. Jen said that the low muscle tone exacerbates the no speech thing. He can't turn door knobs; he sits in a W; he lays on the floor to push cars back and forth for very long periods of time; his tongue still peeps out of his mouth when he's in a relaxed state (which is often); he will stay reclined on the couch for hours if we would let him.

******ETA - Wow, rereading this makes my child sound like a potato! He's totally not! He smiles and runs around and pushes his shopping cart and all kinds of kid stuff. He loves to color and draw on his easel and paint and play with play-do and dig in the dirt and run on the playground.... The things listed in the paragraph above and the rest of the post below are just the trouble-spots! Not the whole-spot. Holy-cow. He's not a little lump by any means!

Jen also brought in a social therapist for lack of eye contact, not responding to his name (which he is responding to much more now), and not interacting with people around him. He will play with stuff but, if you really observe, when playing with him he doesn't often follow you around to see what you're doing.

As much as I would like to think that's just his personality, it's not typical for a toddler and following and imitating us is how toddlers learn. If he's not imitating and showing any interest in what we're doing, (ie. getting under our feet when we're trying to sew, cook, knit, scrub floors) then he isn't learning all he needs to. He likes to be in his own little world.

That's not to say he doesn't act like a kid. He does engage sometimes. He is so pleasant, in fact, that I wondered if a social therapist was even necessary. I LOVE how easy a kiddo he is, Only problem is that he isn't supposed to be this easy!

I know, crazy to want to mess with a good thing. But he is easy because he's not engaging with the real world and just because we like the whole can-leave-him-in-a-room-and-know-he-won't-mess-with-anything thing doesn't mean that's what's best for him.

He needs to have the natural curiosity of a toddler. He NEEDS to get into stuff and challenge authority and all of the other stuff kids do or he won't learn what he's supposed to be learning right now.

He is the absolute sweetest little boy. And someday soon I hope he will give me a hug and call me mommy. That he will reach up for me when I come to his room in the morning to get him out of bed. That when I pick him up he will wrap his legs and arms around me and hold on tight. But those things can't happen without also opening the door to all of the other typical characteristics of two year olds.

I'm good with that. I look forward to the day that I can't sit next to him and knit for 1 1/2 hours with him never tryig to steal my needles and mess with my yarn or even trying to get my attention. I am willing to trade that hour and a half if it means that Cortland will be engaged in life around him.

Love you Aunt Joyce and thank you for your caring.

Skye

Summertime!

Cortland and Lucas playing in the water.